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[virborassan]

In the end, it hadn't been enough. Months upon months of work. Tears and blood shed and all for naught. Skyhold had fallen just as Haven had, and this time, most didn't make it out. What few did retreated through the Frostbacks, carrying nothing. There'd been no time to try and gather things. All they could do was retreat. It was disheartening.

Elareth had barely made it out of the fight with Corypheus. She'd been dragged from the rubble only to be made to run for what life she had left. They'd just had enough time to find Cullen and all she could do was order him to retreat and take the survivors with him. She knew he'd be able to get them out of Corypheus' reach, at least for the time being. As it was, she knew what the ancient magister wanted and that was her and the Anchor that still pulsed in her hand. She'd lead them away while Cullen got what was left of the Inquisition to safety. She promised him she wouldn't be going alone and with that, she turned and took off, trying to buy them all some time.

It was an eerie reminder of her actions at Haven.

Three days later, scouts would send word that she'd been found and was making her way back to the encampment. When she found them, she stumbled in, her party a good deal smaller than before. This time, the losses were a good deal more personal. Bull was properly blind now, trying to defend Dorian. The mage was worse off, barely able to stand as Elareth coaxed them along with promises or rest once they found their way back. There was no sign of Blackwall or Sera and from the look on Elareth's face, the news was grim.

Comments

[virborassan]

What better place than in war? It was a reminder of things to keep hoping for and working toward. It was a way to hang on to faith so easily lost. She had to keep reminding herself of such things or else she'd never be able to get up each morning or keep fighting what she felt was a losing battle.

There was no hesitation as she let him pull her closer, but she stayed stiff at his side for several long moments. He was right; it'd been a while and she found herself at odds internally. Oh, she had missed being close to him, but deep down, she worried that it might not be something they could afford. She wasn't sure she deserved to relax, even if the ever responsible Commander was urging her to.

It was his soft teasing that soothed her. For a moment, she felt her lips curl up again and she slowly let herself relax against his side. After a moment, she let her head settle on his shoulder and her arm settled along his waist. It was a comfort she hadn't allowed herself much of and she found she'd missed his warm, sturdy frame at her side, just doing something so simple. With a sigh, she let her eyes drift closed.

"Oh, we shouldn't take that from the ones that can still remember how, just because we're sour old folks, now."

[lovingvambrace]

It was touch and go at first, enough that he wondered if she would relax. When she did, he did as well a little bit. It was a comfortable drape of arm around her shoulders and he allowed his free hand to rest over her arm at his waist. They had sat up against either his headboard or hers at Skyhold many nights like this reading over reports together or talking. He missed the solid embrace of stone shaped by intelligent hands. The comfort of the cave felt like less a certainty.

"The way I see it, people are far more prone to do things forbidden to them. Tell them not to, and suddenly they won't be able to help themselves. As long as they don't know it's what we really want, it can't go wrong." He felt an echo of a smile tugging his own lips. Leaning, he pressed a light kiss against the top of her head.

"I still think about the pond and the dock. I know it's still there, quiet and waiting. I believe one day we'll make it back again, and then it won't be such a rush. I choose to believe that. It's important to make choices. Don't you think?"

[virborassan]

Relaxing was hard for her now, but she was working on it. Her nerves had been on edge for long enough that they were just wired that way, so forcing them to settle was true work, but she knew that if others saw her worked up all the time, they'd follow suit. Cullen was no different and in all honesty, she found it easier to do so around him now.

Huffing a faint chuckle, she let her hand absently drift along his tunic. It sounded like he was trying to con children into some kind of behavior, not grown adults, but in truth, she knew he was right. It was just how people worked. She'd almost worked up a tease in return when she found her mind thinking back to the scene he'd mentioned.

The dock. Oh, how she remembered it. The coin, warm in her hand when he'd given it to her. In the back of her mind, she wondered if he knew that she still had it. It stayed tucked away, safe, and almost always on her. Even now, she found her free hand moving to cover where she'd slipped it into a small pouch, along with a few stones and the tooth from a dragonling. Each item she kept on her was precious to her, not that anyone knew they were there.

"... I'm not really one to ask about making choices, am I? I mean, so far, mine haven't exactly gone so well."

[lovingvambrace]

His hand curled around her shoulder in a soft squeeze and stayed that way. He knew she blamed herself as much as he did, and since he hadn't yet been able to come up with a decent argument for how he hadn't failed them all, how could he possibly comfort her in her own doubts? He recognized the double standard. That wasn't the same as being able to reconcile it. "Many of us are still alive," he said. It was at least one argument that couldn't be disputed.

"More than would be had we allowed ourselves to be paralyzed with indecision, more than if we had simply holed up and hidden away from the very beginning." That was also true. He felt as though he was attempting to build a fortress with a few blocks of stone on shifting sand. Pity he was neither as eloquent as Dorian nor as bluff and blase as the Iron Bull.

"They've gone better than they could've. That counts for something. It has to."

[virborassan]

Dorian and Bull had both tried to talk to her, but they hadn't been so successful. It was likely they'd turn their efforts toward trying to get Cullen to talk to her, even if it seemed he was already willing to try. Cullen might be lucky enough to get her to listen a bit more than the others. After all, she loved him and while Iron Bull and Dorian were damn near family to her, it was different.

She knew he was right. Their quick thinking had saved so many, but she'd still seen so many fall. In her mind, they'd died because of her, and not just to Corypheus. Haven still lingered in the back of her mind, as did the loss of her clan. They were hurts that might never fade, especially now.

Still, he was right, even if she knew he held the same doubt. Shifting a bit, she buried her face against his shoulder, just content to let his presence fill her senses for a bit.

"It does. I'm just... I don't know. I hate seeing the Inquisition struggle after we worked so hard, but we've done it once. We can do it again. I... might have an idea, but I doubt you'll be happy about it."

[lovingvambrace]

When she shifted, he idly lifted his hand to cup the side of her head. It allowed him to stroke lightly through her hair while they spoke. For some time now, this easy affection had been his way in quiet times away from prying eyes. It was as much a comfort to him as to her. It kept him from falling back into more closed off habits.

"Unfortunately, that's the face of war when it comes to losses." He knew that she knew that.

He felt himself stiffen slightly. If she said he wouldn't be happy about something, it was almost a guarantee she was right. She knew him very well, and most of the proposals he didn't like involved her taking some undue risk. Sometimes he wondered in the back of his mind if she wasn't seeking a way to punish herself for failure, some eventual confrontation she couldn't walk away from. "I'm listening," he said cautiously.

[virborassan]

Oh, now that wasn't fair. He knew she was a sucker for someone playing with her hair, even more so when she was nervous or upset about something. There wasn't a quicker way to soothe her than to bury a hand in her hair and just ease her mood away. Leave it to Cullen to enjoy doing it so much. In a way, it was even more intimate than sex, not that she minded that. At all. They just hadn't had time or privacy for such things in quite some time and it didn't look like they would for a while.

Just having him there, next to her, was enough.

She felt him stiffen and moved accordingly, her hand dipping just under the ridge of material so her fingers could rest against the warm skin of his side. The contact was as much for her as it was for him. She knew he'd likely disagree with her idea, but she intended on going forward with it anyway. He'd just have to fuss.

"... I'm going to walk the Fade tonight. I need answers and I think Solas has them. There are things that... I never told anyone, we never told anyone... about Corypheus. I have a feeling he knows more than he's let on."