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[virborassan]

She knew she'd messed up. She'd let someone too close and while she still wanted him there, close, by her side, she'd gone and messed things up. Josephine had been right. So had Leliana. Keep your emotions as close as you'd keep an enemy. Close to your chest, hidden away.

She didn't want to be foolish again, so she'd carefully distanced herself from Jove. No more evenings, plied with wine and loving words. No more slips of the tongue. Not while the mantle of the Inquisitor was growing heavier and heavier with each day. Oh, don't think she didn't find herself watching him from a distance when she could, when she didn't think she'd be caught. In the back of her mind, she wondered if the distance had bothered him. It did her, but she couldn't let it show.

Not when they had work to do.

Early one morning, she'd been called for a War Council and it had lasted a good chunk of the day. When she emerged, her face was like the storm she could bend to her will. Pages stopped to deliver things only to step back when they saw the thunderous face of the Herald. Frowning, she slipped outside and onto the battlements, seeking space and fresh, cool air help her think.

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[virborassan]

What?

Frowning a bit, she finally, truly let herself look at him and before she could think, relief washed through her. She was hard pressed to keep from hugging him. She would've, but she didn't figure it would be welcome.

Reaching up, she absently rubbed at her forehead as if trying to ease a headache.

"It's really not necessary. I'm... alright. A bit mixed up but whole."

[weatherthestorm]

"When a healer has confirmed that statement I will let you do what you wish but not a moment sooner."

There was iron in his voice, as solid and sure as his shield. He would not have her running off and running around until she was cleared by a healer.

The whole damn war council would wait as far as he was concerned. They had apparently won the day, so no need to rush off and do anything else.

[virborassan]

She wasn't sure she'd ever heard him so... demanding. It tugged at her attention, pulling her a bit more out of the murmuring fog trying to cloud her mind again. For a moment, she looked like she was about to argue but paused, head tipped a little as if listening. For a moment, she remained like that before leaning forward with a pinched expression and a sigh, rubbing at her neck.

"As you wish. Just please make sure someone sends a raven as soon as possible. I'm going to my quarters. I'm sure the healer can find me there."

[weatherthestorm]

He snapped his fingers at another lurking guard. "Escort her. If something goes wrong you carry her to the surgeon."

He was used to being in charge, clearly, and would not be ignored. Luckily, the guards have gotten used to taking orders for him.

The guard approached and offered his arm to the Inquisitor in case she needed it. Jove stood back and let her go. There was more business to attend to, like the other companions and spending ravens. He would deal with that while the healers dealt with her.

[virborassan]

Oh, no. No. He did not-

Scowling, she pulled herself to her feet and pushed past the guard and only by sheer force of will did she remain upright. It gave her energy she hadn't had before, and add on a healthy dose of humiliation as well as a good chunk of anger, she actually managed to almost get to the door of Josephine's office rather quickly.

"I will not be ordered around in the keep I found for this thrice damned Inquisition and I will not be ordered around by you. I will go to my quarters as I said I would and I will allow a healer to check on me there. If my word isn't good enough for you, then have me thrown in a cell until you think you can trust me."

[weatherthestorm]

"I don't give a rat's ass about your pride, your worship, I care about your health," he growled, unafraid of her anger. "Go with her and make sure she doesn't crack her head open on the damned stairs."

The guard did not look happy with how he was brought in to the middle of this but Jove cared very little for his comfort. Elareth was ignoring her health and well being from pride and he would not tolerate it.

What did he have to lose, after all?

[virborassan]

Oh, now that stung and more than her pride. Scowling, she pushed at the door and shoved her way through it, and if the guard was following her, then so be it. She wasn't exactly grace on her feet but she was determined to get to her room without assistance. If she fell over, then so be it but she wouldn't allow it until the damned guard was gone from her sight.

She made it up the stairs without incident and sent the guard away, a good deal more polite to him than she'd been with Jove. She'd even gone so far as to apologize to him before he left. The healer wasn't turned away, either, but she'd remained distant and vaguely sullen as she was looked over. There were a few things that needed tending as she was still fresh from a heated battle, but other than a few good cuts and bruises, she was cleared and left on her own.

Once she'd sent her armor off to be tended to, she cleaned herself up and settled at her desk to start work on her report. Unfortunately, she didn't get much done before the whispering in her head distracted her, leaving her sitting there, staring down at the parchment as if dozing while sitting upright.

[weatherthestorm]

It was the companions who told him what happened with Samson and the temple. Not everyone seemed happy, Solas and Morrigan the most unhappy of the bunch. Jove was sympathetic. He wasn't happy about what Elareth had done either. He wasn't happy at all these days but that seemed to be his lot in life right now.

He got the ravens out and ordered the army to come home. No reason for them to stay out there now that they had accomplished their goal. While the Inquisitor rested, he tended to everything else that needed tending. When that was done he had it all written up in reports to bring to her.

If he was a cowardly man he would have sent a page with the reports. Instead, he bundled them together and walked the stairs to her room. Maker he hated this walk. He used to enjoy it and the sense of anticipation that filled him. Now it was a sense of longing and regret.

He knocked sharply on the door and waited.

[virborassan]

She was well aware of how angry Solas was with her. He'd argued with her at the Well but in the end, she'd done what she felt was necessary. Morrigan was another matter altogether and she'd put off talking with her in case her temper got the best of her and she sent the witch away. For now, she needed her advice even if she hadn't taken it in the temple.

It took a few moments for her to realize that she'd heard something other than the new call of the Well. It was disturbing, really. She'd always been proud of her focus and will, but that all seemed to be something fleeting as the whispers of the Well took hold. She took a glance down to see a barely scribbled on parchment where she'd been trying to write not some...

When had the sun started to set?

Frowning a little, she slipped away from the desk and went to the door, opening it and turning back to pad back into her room without looking back. Very few would be so bold as to knock on her door, especially with her earlier show of temper. It was something that shamed her. Just from that, it shortened the list of her visitors to a very scant one indeed.

"Please, come in if you want. I apologize for not having something ready for you to look at."

Polite and formal, used as armor. It felt awkward and she hated it.

[weatherthestorm]

Everything about her was off. Jove could see it and felt that it wasn't only the tension between them. She had a look in her eyes, distant, distracted. Something was wrong.

"I'm not the one you report to," he said calmly, his voice more gentle than it had been earlier. His temper had cooled now and his concern was slightly eased by the healer's report on her condition.

He stepped inside and put his bundle of reports on her desk. "Here is what has occurred in the weeks since you left as well was reports on what we need to trade for."

They had gone through a great deal of medical supplies and the forge was going through metals like mad to repair weapons and armors.

"Is there anything you need from me?" he asked, though he expects the answer to be no.

[virborassan]

Pausing, she glanced back at the stack he'd set on her desk and for a moment, the groan from her was a sign of the old Elareth. She hated to paperwork that came with the job and she'd been known to try to bribe and con some of her advisers into doing it. It rarely worked and she knew that Jove wouldn't be swayed to help. Not anymore.

Her gaze went from the reports on her desk to her visitor and she felt something shift in her stomach. She hadn't been nervous around Jove in quite some time and she hated the reason why. There'd been ample time to think while she'd been traveling to meet Samson and this had been the moment she'd thought on. She'd imagined them like this, her apologizing and him accepting her explanation as to her behavior as of late. While she was aware it likely wouldn't happen like that, she at least owed him both apology and explanation.

"A moment. I... owe you an apol-"

Her voice drifted off as the clamoring started in her head once again. Growling under her breath, she squeezed her eyes closed as she tried to will that damned voice back to silence, or at least some semblance of order. It wanted something but with all the noise it was making, she couldn't understand.

Crap. Crap. She knew she couldn't explain this lapse to Jove. Not when it still murmured in her mind. Teeth clenched, she turned her gaze back to Jove and for a moment, there was open fear there.

"Silence me. Please."

[weatherthestorm]

It was his turn to apologize for an entirely different reason.

"I'm sorry?" he asked, certain he had misheard her. She couldn't have possibly asked him to silence her. That would be outrageous.

And sh looked afraid. That worried him more than anything. It took a great deal to make Elareth look afraid of something.

[virborassan]

She honestly felt like she was losing her mind at times. Mumbling something under her breath, she moved to sit down on the little couch, elbows on her knees and her head in her hands. Will quieted the voice for a bit and while she had the chance, she explained what had happened back in the temple.

What she'd asked of him was a barely thought out idea, really. She was looking for a way to quiet the voice and still the chaos in her head for a bit. No mage would willing ask a Templar to silence them. It was a clear sign that she was concerned.

"There are times I barely hear it but other times, it's demanding. Loud. Unfocused. I can't understand it when it's so loud."

[weatherthestorm]

"I can't understand you right now. Ela... your worship, what's going on?"

His instinct was to go to her, to comfort and promise it would be alright. It was not something he followed through on but stood back and kept his hands clenched tightly to his sides.

Voices in her mind? That made no sense. Demons couldn't be whispering to her, not while she was awake. Were they spirits instead?

[virborassan]

Sighing, she rubbed her knuckles against her eyes, trying to push back both the headache threatening an appearance as well as tears she never expected to shed around him. She wasn't sure what hurt more; her head or hearing him call her 'your worship'.

"The Well of Sorrows was the collected knowledge of the ancient elves. Samson was there to try and take it for Corypheus. The knowledge it held would've been enough to make him a god. I... drank from it instead. Not everyone was thrilled with my choice, but the risk was mine to take. It's... what was. The servants of Mythal would pass on their knowledge to the Well before they slept. It's all in my head and it's very hard to make sense of when they're all trying to make themselves heard. It's been too long since someone listened."

[weatherthestorm]

Despite his acceptance that her choices were her own and he had no control over them, Jove had to clench his teeth tightly for a moment to keep from yelling at her. What was she thinking drinking from something that dangerous? Had she gone mad?

"I don't know if my silence will work on ancient voices," he said, his tone tightly controlled. "It cancels magic, not... well I'm not sure what that is but I don't think it's the right sort of thing."

What state would the Inquisition be in now? Would she be fit to lead? How much time would she need to get this under control? What had she been thinking?

[virborassan]

"It isn't a request I would make lightly. You know that. It's magic of a sort, but it's not... anything I've ever felt before or heard of. I couldn't let Morrigan have it. Not this much knowledge and not from my people."

No mage would. The idea of it terrified Elareth to no end but if she couldn't rely on his help in this case, she would have to master it on her own. Solas might not be thrilled with her, but she could see if he could help with that. Morrigan's advice would be a last ditch thing, but if necessary, she would use it. She'd taken this step but she wouldn't let the Inquisition falter because of her. She couldn't.

Sighing, she sat a bit more upright now, but her face stayed tipped down. Hearing him there, still so angry, made the ache as acute as it had been the day she'd left all those weeks ago. Her intent had been to apologize, though and now that she had her wits about her again, she would.

She owed him that much.

"... Jove. I owe you an apology. I know I hurt you and I'm so sorry. What happened had nothing to do with you. It was a failing on my part."

[weatherthestorm]

The apology was a shock. He never expected such a thing, not when she seemed so set on her new course.

"You did what you thought was best for the Inquisition," he said, looking away from her. He swallowed his pride and looked back to her again. "You're forgiven. I promise you that."

Anger was a horrible thing to carry. He was trying to let go of it and the hurt that came with her rejection. He couldn't carry those and be happy, live as he should live. They were poison and he couldn't let that fester in him.

[virborassan]

"It wasn't for the Inquisition."

She wouldn't cry. She wouldn't. She hadn't since she'd received the news that her clan was lost and even then, it was in private. But now, she was finding it hard to keep it all at bay. Recent events had been taxing and now, with the pressure in her head and the world pressing in around her, she felt the weight on her even more.

She had things to finish before she faced off against the Elder One because she honestly didn't know if she'd come back from it.

After a long, silent moment, she pushed up off the couch and crossed over to one of the doors leading to the balcony. It was open to the evening air and while it was cold, she found the chill helped her think clearer and there was rarely a day she'd turn down the view of the mountains, which is why she leaned against the side, her gaze locked on the sky just above the ridge.

"It wasn't. It was selfish and personal. I was afraid."

[weatherthestorm]

It was easier when he thought it was for the Inquisition. It hurt more that she did it because she was afraid. Afraid of what? Of him? Of them? There was nothing to be afraid of. They were good, solid, and happy.

He swallowed the bitter feeling in his throat that was grief and regret. "You are still forgiven."

He would not be selfish and demand she think of him. He would not let his grief over her actions rule him. He was better, stronger than that.

[virborassan]

They were and she regretted that she'd ruined it. Each day she'd traveled, she found she missed him. It was worse now, with him standing there. He wouldn't have to demand her think of him. He was still always on her mind and each moment gutted her.

It seemed to be too little too late, though. As with her other decisions, she would live by them and do her best. Too many depended on her otherwise and she'd already let her selfish decisions hurt someone that had trusted her. It wouldn't happen again.

"Your words and your tone speak differently, Ser. I deserve no less."

Oh, it wouldn't do for him to see her up close now, with her damp eyes and pressed tight lips. She wanted to ask him to read the letter she'd written while she'd been on the road. It was there, just sitting on her desk. It spelled it all out in her small, cramped writing. Her regret, her fears, her pain.

She couldn't ask that of him, though. He didn't want it anymore so she wouldn't press. She was too late yet again.

Biting at her lip, she let her gaze drop down to rest on the cold stone of her balcony.

[weatherthestorm]

"Time will heal that," he said calmly, his voice soft and sad. "As it heals all things. I do not understand your choice but I will respect it."

It hurt and would hurt for some time. He loved her, ached for her, but what he felt he would not force on her.

"If you need help with the voices I can send Solas up. He would know better how to help you than I. I am no expert in ancient elven magics," he said, clearing his throat of emotion.

[virborassan]

More than anything, she wanted to go to him but his words were final and heavy in her ears. Each thing spoken weighed more and more in her chest, leaving her aching and wanting and alone. It certainly sounded like there was no hope between them, so she would do what was necessary of her. What was expected.

After a moment to try and compose herself and wipe away the tears that had slid down her cheeks, she turned and walked back into her room to face him. Her eyes, while not exactly keen on his, were red and she made no effort to hide them but for once, her face was calm. Blank, but calm. It was the face of the Inquisitor.

"No, but thank you. This is something I'll master on my own. I'll be ready by the time the Commander returns and then, we'll move against Corypheus. He won't survive to see the end of the year."

[ooc: Think there's any hope for them? Also, did we want to timeskip ahead a bit to get Cullen back with the troops?]

[weatherthestorm]

Jove felt the frustration well in his chest and this time he could not keep it down.

"This is why we are here," he said, the anger back in his voice. "This insistence of yours that you must do it all on your own. It is not weakness to ask for help! It was not weakness to love me. You can rely on other people and they will not see you as less for it."

That was how it felt. His love was tossed aside because she couldn't be weak. Instead of his love making her stronger, she saw it as making her less. He made her less. That was so hard to carry.

[ooc: of course there's hope. they just have to actually talk.]

[virborassan]

It was hard to keep her face still in sight of his anger but she met it, cheeks flushed with heat and frustration. She'd never been one to back down easily and to be honest, she was tired of trying to bush off everyone's concern. In fact, she was just tired of everything.

The calm facade cracked and slipped away and then, the Inquisitor was gone.

"No. I see myself as less for it. I never wanted any of this, save you. I never wanted to go to the damned Conclave. I never wanted this damned title thrust on my shoulders. I never wanted to have to face off against an Elder One that will likely kill me. I never wanted to be bound to an ancient god I'm not even sure I still believe in."

At this moment, she felt more alive than she had since she'd started avoiding Jove and that part of herself.

"This is the first time I've ever done any of this and the more I try to grasp at what I need to do, at what's right, the more things slip through my fingers. I have no room to make mistakes anymore and that scares me even more than you do. Did."

With a muffled grunt that was almost Cassandra-worthy, she started pacing, fingers knotting together in clear agitation.